Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Hi, my name is...15

I always wanted this series to be about foreigners behaving badly or dying in the Philippines and that is what the majority of this edition of "My name is..." consists.

Hi, my name is Carolus Andrianus Henricus de Leeuw and I am a Dutchman living in the Philippines. The police came to my house with a warrant and found my cache of weapons.
During a search at his rented house at the boundary of Barangays Okiot and CapiƱahan around 9:40 a.m. to 12:47 p.m., the police operatives confiscated one unit Norinco .45-caliber pistol; one unit Taurus caliber .380 pistol; two standard magazines for caliber .45 pistol fully loaded with live ammunition; a magazine for caliber .380 pistol; and more than 200 rounds of ammunition of various caliber. 
Also confiscated were four expired firearms license cards under the name of Amelia Lourdes U. Mendoza; two expired Permit to Carry Firearm Outside of Residence, also under the name of the same woman; and one black plastic firearms case.
Now I am in jail awaiting charges.
https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1093575

Hi, our names are Lawrence Ikegwuruka and Michella Augustine. We are both Nigerians living in Cavite.  It seems the cops have had us under surveillance for a few months now unbeknownst to us. The PNP set us up in the usual way by having us sell to an undercover officer. They nabbed our 10 kilos of shabu worth P68 million and our orange Toyota Wigo. But we won't need it where we are going.

https://www.philstar.com/nation/2020/02/12/1992338/2-africans-yield-p68-million-shabu

Hi, my name is Kohei Kobashi. I am an 80 year old Japanese man and I love diving. That is why I came to the Philippines. I went out with a group of four people on a motorbanca and as soon as we arrived at Apo Island we all dived right in.  But I quickly got separated from the group and I drowned. My face also got all bloody as I scrapped across some corals. At least I died doing what I love.

https://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/288222/japanese-man-found-dead-2-hours-after-he-went-diving-in-waters-of-apo-island

Hi, my name is Zhou Zhiyi. That's me in the white t-shirt looking at the ground. How did I get here you ask? I was out driving when the cops tried to pull me over! I wasn't having it so I did my best to evade them. I even ran over a few motorcycles! Well they finally got me and I spit at the cop who arrested me. They found shabu in my car and also found out I had been overstaying my 30 day tourist visa by a few months. Now my new home is the BI detention facility and after doing time for my crime I will be deported.


Hi, my name is Joseph Daniel Arian. I met this chick in the bar of the hotel we were staying at and we had a good time getting drunk. She was such a nice girl that I followed her upstairs to her room. It was very late 2 am. We had sex of course. But when she woke up she was so hungover that it took her until 5pm to allege that I raped her. 


https://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/289350/cops-looking-for-swedish-national-accused-of-allegedly-raping-27-year-old-woman-inside-cebu-city-hostel

Hi, my name is Vincent Degula. I'm an engineer from Cebu. I found a metal cylinder container and started working on it with my grinder. I was sure it contained gold.  My friend told me over and over that I had better be careful because it might be a bomb. I thought he was just being greedy and didn't want me to have any gold. Little did I know he was right. While he left to get some coffee the bomb exploded and killed me.

https://www.mindanews.com/top-stories/2020/03/engineer-killed-trying-to-open-vintage-bomb-in-southcot/

Hi, my name is Christopher John Erickson. A court in the US charged me with child abuse so I hightailed it out of there. Where else to go but the Philippines? For the past eight months I have been hiding out in Dumaguete. But they finally caught up with me and now I will be deported to the US to face the music.

Hi, my name is Papi Sarr.  I am a Cameroonian who has been playing basketball in the Philippines for Adamson University for the past five years. But recently I got kicked off the team!  Not because I had played too many seasons and was past my graduation date but because I violated curfew nine times and didn't follow their rules! I got real mad so I did what anyone would do.  I made violent threats to a school official and tried to stuff my dismissal letter down his shirt. The police arrested me "for unjust vexation and light threats." Now the BI is investigating and I might be kicked out of the country.

Hi, my name is Klaas Haagsma. I am an Australian living out my last years in the Philippines. Three years ago I married a Cebuana and then moved here. Turns out she was already married and left me. Life has not been so great for me in the Philippines. It could be better. Especially if I got a bigger pension. You see I ran out of money and my pension had not come so I nicked some cheese and fish from the supermarket. Last time I shoplifted the management declined to press charges because of my age which is 74. Now they want to press charges. 


Hi, my name is Veronica Engle Weisenberg. I am a German visiting my husband in the Philippines. I went to confront him at his apartment and he started harassing me so I went to the cops to file a complaint. I told the cops I had run out of money for food and they allowed me to stay "within the vicinity of the police station" while me and my husband ironed out our difficulties. To thank them I stole two cell phones, two chargers, and P500. Of course they arrested me.


https://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/293054/german-accused-of-taking-cops-phone-charged

Hi, my name is David Krauer. I am from Switzerland.  Me and my friends were getting high on shabu when all of a sudden the cops bust down the door!  Now I am cold sober in jail.

https://newsinfo.inquirer.net/1238381/swiss-national-5-filipinos-nabbed-in-drug-den-in-subic

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