A Momma Abroad: My Sons Are Filipinos Because Life in the Philippines Is All They Know

I have written several blog posts about what it means to be Filipino-American. How can one born in a foreign land to a Filipino parent still claim to be a Filipino when they know nothing of the Philippines? While there are many Fil-Ams because of the OFW program/problem there are not many Am-Fils. This rarity makes the case of Amber Folkman's three boys Aaker Nuke, Oz Mounce, and Wells Finn (yes those are their actual names) rather interesting and unique.

https://www.smartparenting.com.ph/parenting/real-parenting/i-want-to-raise-my-boys-knowing-filipino-values-a1746-20180329

I was raised in a small town in Northern California in the valley of two mountains. We lived an hour away from a mall and 30 minutes from our dentist. I never imagined that I would raise my boys across the world in Manila, one of the world's most densely populated cities in South East Asia surrounded by skyscrapers and high rises. 

I cannot imagine a more opposite experience than the one I had. But that is part of the magic of living abroad. 

Besides having an endless summer, the best mangoes in the world and the most fun modes of transportation, the Philippines is where my boys have learned valuable life lessons that I hope will guide them through the rest of their lives. We predominantly have an American culture in our home, but outside we embrace everything that is Filipino.

In the headline Amber declares her boys are Filipinos because life in the Philippines is all they know but in the article she says they have an American culture in their home. What else could they have? Mom and dad are Americans and they are going to impart American values to their offspring because that is all they know. It's only natural. But if she is imparting American values and culture to her sons how can they be Filipinos? Amber goes on to say that outside the home they embrace everything that is Filipino. 

Going through her blog the "everything that is Filipino" boils down to food apparently. Even in this article she has much to say about food. First she mentions the best mangoes in the world. Next she gets excited that her little boys prefer to eat with their hands just like real Pinoys.

Never would have I ever thought my sons' preferred meals would be galunggong fried to a crisp with a heaping pile of rice, AND eating it with their hands, the Pinoy way! I never imagined that the Kuya of our family could switch his accent like a light switch depending on who he was communicating with (Filipino vs. non-Filipino). 

Of course she never would have thought her boys would not be civilized enough to use forks and spoons. Who would want to think something so sad? She also mentions the hilarious fact that one of her boys switches his accent when he talks with Filipinos. Is learning to dumb down your speech depending on who you talk to one of those valuable life lessons that will guide them through the rest of their lives that her boys are learning in the Philippines? Remember how Hilary Clinton switched her accent in front of various audiences? Perhaps that skill will combine handy if her boys become politicians.

The end of this article really sums up how she views her boys living in the Philippines and her whole philosophy about culture and nations.

One of my most tender memories is my bunso learning his body parts in Filipino before English. These lessons have taught us all that there is no one "right" way to live. 

May my three Pinoy boys always remember that they are world citizens and life is much bigger than one country and one culture. 

Since my boys were born and raised in the Philippines (minus one year for my eldest son), I have declared them Fil-Am. We may not have the passport to prove it, but they have the heart of the Filipino, and they are better for it.

No right way to live, they are world citizens, they have the heart of the Filipino and are better for it. All of that screams California liberal but apparently Amber is a Mormon. That does not mean she can't be a liberal but what it does mean is she has no idea what it is to be a Filipino. Filipinos are quite patriotic and have a lot of pride in their ethnicity. They may be scattered all over the world but they never assimilate into the local culture. Instead they bring their culture with them and send their money back to the Philippines where they hope to eventually retire after earning lots of money abroad. Filipinos are not cosmopolitans. Only silly white women like Amber are and after falling in love with a foreign culture and telling everyone back home, "We are all the same," they often end up dead.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pippa_Bacca

How can her boys have the heart of a Filipino when she admits they have an American culture inside the home? Home is where the heart is, right? Incidentally you can take a tour of her house at the following article:

https://www.chuzailiving.com/american-expat-home-philippines-amber-folkman/

Amber's house is immaculate. It is straight out of Good Housekeeping. In fact her house was featured in Real Living and she had an article published in Good Housekeeping.

https://amommabroad.com/blog/2016/07/25/magazine-feature-in-real-living-i-have-no-idea-what-im-doing

When Shine of Real Living mentioned some months ago that our house might be up for a feature I was over the moon. Real Living was THE only publication I bought regularly for the last couple of years. (Yummy and Good Housekeeping are also winners! I actually have a short recipe in Yummy's July issue and an article in Good Housekeepings' August issue.) Summit Media produces such quality material. It took a few months and some more nesting on my end but eventually it worked out. To be honest, I was proud of myself that I had created a home out of love, creativity and frugality and that a magazine, one I respected, thought our home was up to par. It felt like my motherhood was being recognized.

The only bad thing about this tour of her home is that we don't get to see the bathroom. We do see that the boys bathroom is Batman themed but we don't see the commode. Is there toilet paper in all the bathrooms? American culture after all. But then again she did write a "love letter" to the tabo.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9zCvuZpVrV/

“Dear Tabo, I am sorry I had an aversion to you all these years. When I saw you and judged you as unsanitary. After your support in thoroughly cleaning my toddler and his extremely soggy swimsuit full of [poop] I owe you the sincerest apology and deepest gratitude. Now, I would like to continue our relationship if you’ll have me, Truly yours, an ignorant Momma Abroad. You tube: how to use a tabo. Fascinating!” -@amommabroad

There is quite a lot I could say about this lady and her assertion that her American children are Filipinos. As I noted they do pose an interesting case. The boys have grown up in the Philippines and the Philippines is all they know. So they are Filipinos right? Wrong!

These boys do not face the same trials as Filipinos do. Likely they live in a wealthy, gated community. They eat Filipino food but imbibe American values at home. Eating and washing your butt with your hands does not make one a Filipino. It just makes you gross.

Looking at her blog one does not see the Philippines in all its grit and gory. What one sees is the whitewashed fantasy of an American momma trying to build a magazine perfect life for herself and her children. One that is safe and wholly American but with tinges of the most superficial aspects of Filipinoness. What does make one a Filipino or an American? Her boys are going to have to face that existential crisis when they come of age.

This family is the perfect WHITE family. And that is very problematic because right now those boys are being sheltered from the cultural shift which is happening in America namely the demonizing white people as the cancer of the world as Susan Sontag disgustingly phrased it long ago. When they go back to America they will be blindsided at all the hate directed towards them. They will say we grew up in the Philippines, we aren't racist and they will not understand why no one will care. And with good reason! Because they are growing up rich and sheltered in the Philippines. That is what they call white privilege. The privilege to have a dad with a good paying job where you live in a third world nation and can live like kings because the peso is so devalued. The privilege where you can eat with your hands while squatting and pretend you are a native.

Aaker Nuke, Oz Mounce, and Wells Finn are not Filipinos. This lady is delusional. She has been demoralized by the melting-pot relativism of mainstream America. How could any foreigner live in this country and come to the conclusion, "we are all the same??" Cockfighting, littering. trash burning, exploiting relatives, exploiting those with whom you are tasked to protect and serve, an inability to plan for the future, the list goes on. Filipino culture is not like American culture and vice versa. That is because the internal workings of the Filipino mind are not at all like those of anyone else's. We see that evident in the society and culture Filipinos have built in this nation. There is a biological aspect to being Filipino that Amber's white children will NEVER have. They do not have a Filipino brain, will never think like Filipinos, and thus they will never be Filipinos. To ignore human biodiversity is to remain forever ignorant why societies and cultures differ among people groups.

What does this mean anyway??

"We predominantly have an American culture in our home."

What is the American culture in her home that those boys are being raised in?  Does daddy read the Constitution at night like a bed time story? Does momma extol the virtues of not burning garbage? Do her boys know anything about the United States which would make them good citizens? She should go to Booksale, look for a copy of the Federalist Papers (I have seen copies there) and read it to her sons. Or maybe print out a PDF, go to Recto, and have it bound. She should pay special attention to Federalist no. 2!

With equal pleasure I have as often taken notice that Providence has been pleased to give this one connected country to one united people--a people descended from the same ancestors, speaking the same language, professing the same religion, attached to the same principles of government, very similar in their manners and customs, and who, by their joint counsels, arms, and efforts, fighting side by side throughout a long and bloody war, have nobly established general liberty and independence. 

https://avalon.law.yale.edu/18th_century/fed02.asp

That little paragraph speaks volumes about what real American culture is and from whence it originates. This lady's idea of what it means to be Filipino is incredibly shallow.

https://amommabroad.com/blog/2016/08/04/becoming-filipino

While on this search for happiness I have found that the more I embrace the culture the deeper my roots sink and the more fulfilled I am. Although I am clearly not, part of me feels Filipino. It is a gift this country and culture have given to me, embracing me wholeheartedly. It might sound silly but a part of my heart will forever belong to The Pilipinas. So I dedicate this post to those who are Filipino or are on this journey to becoming Filipino. I will follow Kyle's lead of Becoming Filipino for this post. It may be kind of corny but whatever, I'm going for it. 

You may becoming Filipino if you... 

Are a pandesal addict. 

Are a suman, turon or hot tsokolat addict. 

Consume multiple varieties of bananas a day. :) 

Can make your own coconut milk. Bonus: eat it while doing the Pilipino squat.  

Eat a whole fish. Except the eyes. I just can't do that yet. My American side keeps telling me no. 

Your kid uses a tabo like a boss. 

Get excited when this very sanitary and nice toilet greets you on your road trip. You may becoming Filipino if you have to remind yourself to flush the toilet paper when you visit America instead of throw it in the rubbish bin.

She says this list is just for a little corny fun but I don't buy it. This lady is serious. She loves the Philippines and she loves the Philippines for these very reasons which have mostly to do with food! Amber really loves to eat. So here she is dressed in Pinoy-face stuffing her maw with pandesal, mangoes, bananas, and rice saying, "Look ma! I'm a Filipina and my boys are Filipinos toooooooo!" 

But an interesting thought occurs. Barack Obama grew up in Indonesia, not far from here, and eventually became the President of the USA. What if Aaker Nuke, with his Filipino heart, grew up to become President of the USA? Who would want a man with the heart of a Filipino to be President of the USA?