Ever wonder what happens to a rich Philippine Senator when he dies? Read on!

“Ahh, Senator Dingdong,” says St. Peter, “We have quite a file on you. So here is the plan: You will spend a day and a night in Hell, then a day and a night in Heaven, then we will let you decide where you will spend eternity.”
“It’s OK, po,” says the senator, “I made my decision na. I want to be in Heaven sirrr. I’m a proud Pinoy. I’ve been a good person. I was baptized, I had my confirmation in the church, I always went to Sunday mass. And I did many great things for my people.”
“Sorry,” replies St. Peter, “I have direct orders from the Boss Himself.”
So before the senator has a chance to respond, he is placed in an elevator and goes down…down…down…down…to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a beautiful tropical resort–similar to the upscale tropical resort he received as a gift from his rich friend Lucido Tan in return for political favors. He walks alongside a babbling brook and a lush green meadow with birds chirping softly all around him. Looking ahead, he sees a group of people walking toward him.

As he gets closer he sees that they are Filipino politicians, party bosses, and rich business owners who passed away before him, with his old friend and hero Ferdinand Marcos leading the group. They greet him with big smiles, big handshakes, big hugs, and big backslaps. They then walk to a championship-grade golf course where they play a friendly game of golf.

As he gets closer he sees that they are Filipino politicians, party bosses, and rich business owners who passed away before him, with his old friend and hero Ferdinand Marcos leading the group. They greet him with big smiles, big handshakes, big hugs, and big backslaps. They then walk to a championship-grade golf course where they play a friendly game of golf.
After the game, they head to the clubhouse where they dine on filet mingon, lobster, caviar, and Dom Peringon while bragging about how they all got rich and powerful at the expense of the poor and the gullible fools in their country.
Following dinner, they relax poolside at a tiki bar where the Devil comes to greet him with a frosty drink.
“Have a margarita and relax, Senator Dingdong!” says the Devil.
“Wow, sir!” replies the senator, I never expected this in Hell!”
“Don’t believe any of that stuff they told you in church! This is the REAL Hell, the best is yet to come, and you will live like this for all of eternity!
“I promise!”

Morning comes, and after feasting on a sumptuous breakfast, his friends escort him to the elevator and, after bidding a hearty adieu, the happy and prideful senator goes up…up…up…up…back to the Pearly Gates.
“Now then, Senator Dingdong,” says St. Peter, “Time for you to experience Heaven.”
So the senator enters Heaven, and as soon as he passes through the gates, he finds that his pride–the one thing that defined him as a Pinoy–immediately disappears, making him feel very uncomfortable. The first person he meets is a Catholic priest, and something within the senator makes him realize that this is the priest he arranged to have murdered because the priest supported a rival political candidate. He felt really uncomfortable as soon as he noticed who he was, but the priest greeted him with a hearty “Welcome!” and a big hug as if the senator never did anything bad to him.


There is no darkness in Heaven, but he still rests comfortably through the night on a cloud with angels all around him singing softly–something that he feels is quite boring compared to his experience in the cottage in Hell.
The next day, an angel escorts him back to the Pearly Gates. “Now then, Senator Dingdong,” says St. Peter, “You experienced Hell and you experienced Heaven. Time for you to make your decision.”
The senator mulls it over for a brief moment then says, “Well, sir, Heaven is very nice…but I really fell I should be in Hell with all my friends.”
“You made the right decision, Senator” says St. Peter, as an angel escorts him to the elevator where he goes down…down…down…down..to Hell.

He continues on, hoping to find the resort that he enjoyed so much on his last visit, and he comes upon the young ladies who so passionately “serviced” him in the cottage, but the ladies now have disfigured faces, scars and burns on their skin, and worms crawling in and out of their nostrils, eyes, mouths, ears, and nether parts. Each of them let out blood-curdling, ear-piercing screams–just like the screams he used to hear from young boys as they were senselessly circumcised at the many “Operation free tuli” events he once proudly sponsored.
In desperation, he searches for the Devil, who he finds a short distance away, looking at the senator with an evil grin. “Please, sir!” cries the senator with a pathetic cry similar to the cries of the child beggars on the streets of Manila, “Where is the resort, sir? I’m a proud Pinoy and I deserve the resort! Please take me to the resort, sir! Please, sirrrr!”

“Two days ago, we were campaigning…
“Today, you voted for us!
No comments:
Post a Comment